[Tuesday 7:04pm September 20th] Emily Dickinson’s poetry was an expression of the isolation she felt because of her relationships and deaths of family members and friends. She was an obsessivly private writer, and later in her life, she was very reclusive. Out of the eighteen hundred poems she has written, only seven were published durring her lifetime. She rarely wore anything but white, and many saw her as being crazy. She grew up in a strick religious family, and valued imtellectual honesty, especially in religion. Dickinson was sent home from her first year at Mount Holyoke Female Seminary, then the rest of her life she spent most if her time at home in Amherst Massachusettes. Alot of Emily Dickinsons poems were about religion, love, and death. The poem 'I Like The Look of Agony' talks about liking the look of death because it is the only thing that can not be faked. Dickinson said that agony is true as opposed to the faces people wear most of the time. She liked the authentic faces and not the faces that only pretend to care. In her time, Dickinson would have been there to tend the sick or hold the hand of the dying. She appreciated those moments because only then could she be sure she was seeing something authentic. This poem could be considered sadistic because the reader states they 'like the look of agony' (citation) , especially when alot of americans were dying agonizing deaths in the civil war. But because Dickinson was reclusive, she missed alot of what was going on in the world. Death is the only thing that is real. In the lines, 'men do not sham convulsion, nor simulate, a throe' (citation), Dickinson said that agony and pain are not things that men fake. "The eyes glaze once - and that is death' means when you die, you are dead; There is no going back. "the beads upon the forehead by homely anguish strung" states that its finnished; the sweat on the forehead as the person dies indicates the painful, but simple end. The vision is that death is real when nothing else is. The reader is compleately correct. People have personas that they put on in society that differ from ones true self. in death, a person can not show anything but what they are feeling. Dickinson was likely sent to hold the hand of the dying frequestly, so she saw the true side of people often. Knowing for sure how someone is feeling, acting or thinking is a better feeling than knowing that what you see is just a persona. The first stanza in the poem discribes the acts just before death; agony, convulsion, and throe. The reader implies that they enjoy sitting and watching death happen. it is most likely the only real thing they see. The second stanza discribes death itself; glazed eyes, sweaty forehead, and a simple death. Death is peaceful and calm, and 'i like the look of agony' says the reader enjoys the truth of it. 3 its MY life.

[Sunday 11:07pm July 31st] he asked me out... i said yess.... he makes me smile. <3 8 its MY life.

[Sunday 10:00pm July 31st] i changed jobs.. i went back to papa johns. how fun. tonight reminded me how easy a pizza job is and why i stayed there for almost 3 years. haha. and im making a dollar more than i was at the emissions place. woot for me. <3. distin is so hot. i <3 him. hes not asked me out yet. he will tho. ( mwah ) 1 its MY life.

[Tuesday 7:41pm July 26th] wow, its been a while. well. i met someone. hes hot and sweet and rough and good in bed and generous and we like the same music and the same movies and the same stuff, and he loves cuddling, oOo i <3 him. hes fuckin awesome. but he has no car and he lives like 38 miles away its a pain in the ass. were not together yea, but who knows.. hehe. sorry for not updating much, but ive got a busy life. and because i love pic posts, heres me and dustin.. ( <3 ) 8 its MY life.

[Thursday 3:45pm July 7th] yay. i finially got my car. i got it tuesday night and ive already driven it like 80 miles. lol. its perdy, its green and shiny, and awesome and way clean on the indide and it smells good and its a neon. the only things id change are id make it a manual trans. and power windows and locks. but i guess ill take what i can get at this point. im totally in love with it. i just sit in it, the inside is perdy too its oober clean. ive spend like 3000$ in the last week with this car. haha. and ive had to deal with bs from the mva and insurance. my insurance is soo damn high. i love being able to drive myself places tho. its such a pain in the ass relying on people. esp when you have to wait n shit. i hate that. n e ways.. ( my o0ber sexXxy car ) oOoOooOo also, my grnad total of lbs lost is... 17.4! yay. leave comments, bitches. 8 its MY life.

[Wednesday 12:08am July 6th] how do you spell antidisastablismentarianism? 2 its MY life.

[Sunday 6:38pm July 3rd] friday night, my friend la called me and was like, where are you, i said home, she was like, you need to come get your kitten! cuz her dad is selling them in a yard sale to get rid of em all and she wanted me to have mine. sooooo i went and picked up another tiny kitten. but i have no idea what to call her yet.. suggestions would be helpful.. :) woop. yesterday was good. i met my dads gf, shes really nice. she is the one who found the car i bought. but, my dad picked me up and we went to go see her daughter, and she cut and colored my hair, its like dark reddish with blonde streaks, it looks really good i think and she cut it so it looks alot nicer. then we went out to lunch at this seafood restaurant right on the water, it was such a nice day yesterday. then we say bewitched, which was a really cute movie, and thats about it. lots of conversation. i like her, shes really nice, and dad said she was worried about making a good impression on me as well, so thats a good thing. she was worried i wouldnt like her. aparently her and my dad are getting pretty serious. hmmph, i dunno. shes cool. pix. lol. ( new hair, new cat.. ) 6 its MY life.

[Sunday 11:17pm June 26th] today was ok. i went sailing then went to go see greg again. i asked him and his gf to come see greenday with me at the end of aug, but its iffy since she hates me. lol. id like to chill with both of them tho. bah.. well, im to the pix. i <3 pic posts. haha. ( sunny sunny day. ) 2 its MY life.

[Saturday 4:08pm June 25th] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BRIAN!!! todays my babys bday. hes a yr. it seems not no long ago he was just born. i guess they grow up fast even when you dont havent them around. awww. <3 2 its MY life.

[Friday 2:06pm June 24th] yay. i saw my gregory last night. rawr, it was so annoying, like i worked at dominos with him like years ago, and then i left and he left and he went to block buster, and i always called him up there and talked to him but a few months ago he for fired, and i was like shit, cuz i couldnt talk to him anymore. and his girlfriend hates me cuz they were on a break and we messed around and she thinks im tryin to take him away, but im not.. but i finially found out where he works, he works at papA johns, and i called and asked them if he worked there and she was like.. um yea.. and i explained to her why i was looking for him and she was like i cant tell you when he works whatever. so blah i took my moms car and drove up there and called again to see if he was on a delivery or not, and then i just waited for him and when he came back i jumped on him and got a big hug. lol i <3 my gregory. sorry if thats confusing, but yea. i went on a delivery with him and we talked about lots of stuff, and i got his new cell #. and im happy, he makes me smile. he said he can tell im loosing weight, and his gf saw me at weight watchers. lol, thats funny. of and speaking of witch, i lost 11.8 lbs so far. YAY. but anyways, when i got there, greg said his manager, the one i talked to, told him 'some girl called you' and he said he thought it was me and half expected me to come up and see him. i was like AWWWW he thinks about me. lol. <3<3 uggggh my job sucks, we lost 3 people so i got moved to the late shift on tuesday and wednesday which i hate, cuz i eat lunch at like 4. its retarded. and this week i have no days off, but i get paid for monday cuz its a state holiday. hmmph, also when i got hired, i was told id get a raise after 90 days, and my 90 days is july 4, but sharron told me thats not right, its after 6 mo, thats fucked up. i need a new job, and i need a car. RAWR! <3 ( my gregory ) 1 its MY life.

[Tuesday 1:04am June 21st] its MY life.

[Sunday 12:35am June 19th] yay i saw my baby today. hes sooooo cute. and hes way big, hell be a yr next saturday, and hes already walking by himself. he can kinda talk some spannish, and hes got suuuuuch a cute smile. he looks like me alot, and nothing like derrick, thank fuckin god. derrick = blah. Me and my mom went shopping last night, and bought him an outfit and his first pair of sandles, and a bunch of books.. and this cute little hat. OMG hes so cute. and i got this terry hoodie thats way comfy, and i bought a new pair of sandles. ive got a flip flop fettish.. ive got like 50 pairs. the new ones are orange. sexy color. lol. and my mom bought me a squishy pillow thats fuzzy and i for a REALLY soft blanket. shopping is bad now cuz im suppost to be saving money for a car, but sometimes ya just cant help it, and plus, i never buy anything for myself anyways. so brian (my baby) knows my face. they keep this photo album of all the pix of him being born and in the hospital and stuff and they look at it all the time, and he accually recognizes me. its cute. hehe. and my mom signs all the books with grandma kathy, she doesnt mind it, shes like im old enough to have a grandchild, why not cherrish it. its cute too. heh. i had a good day. and tomorrow is fathers day, and were grilling hamburgers for my dad. woot. lol. i bought him a dvd also. my dad is cool. im rambling, so on to the pix.. ( my star ) 8 its MY life.

[Friday 8:56pm June 10th] alright, a little more detail.. pinkplasticstarr: last night my friend came over, and i had the best sex ive had in a LONG time. ome i was feel damn good pinkplasticstarr: so then he leaves and my lol bro comes downstairs and is like keenan(my older bro) and his friend are yellin about someone in the bathtub and i dont know whats going on and im scared, i was like fuck, so i went upstairs and they were all piss drunk and they had burton in the bath tup with cold water running on him and his neck was all creaked and shit.. and he was passed out, and i was tryin to calkm them down and theyre like i dont know what to do.. and i was like omg, so i turned off the water cuz his face was turning purple like he was dead, and his lips were almost black they were so dark, and told keenan to call 911 cuz i wasnt there when he passed out. so they said to get him try so we picked him up out of the bathtub which was hard as hell cuz he was heavy dry, and yet he was way heavy.. pinkplasticstarr: so then theyre on the phone telling us to keep him dry and keenan and his friend are like freaking out and finially the paramedics get here and they gave him an IV and a shot of something and the sticky things with wires all over his chest, and like 15 min later tthey got him up and he was competent but didnt know where he was, he kept saying he was confused. they took him to the hospital and keenan was like.. I ?CANT ?ELIEVE HE DID THAT SHIT IN MY HOUSE.. blah blah. pinkplasticstarr: thats when i IMed you pinkplasticstarr: THEN keenan and his friend went on a walk. and like an hr later my mom comes down stairs and asks for my flashlight. i asked her why and she told me that danny came back and said they were walking around and all of a sudden keenan just fell down and was out. so we called 911 again and they came out and they were screaming at danna telling him he was fucked up to and stuff like that. but i dont think he was i think he was just drunk. well they took keenan to the hospital too, and my mom went down there.. they stableized him when i talked to her at like 1:30 pinkplasticstarr: but what had happened is they went to bmore to buy some heroin and apperantly they got a bad batch and it had something in it that causes you to stop breathing pinkplasticstarr: and they snorted it and an update. keenan and burton are both ok. keenan went to work today, which is surprising.. and burton is up and walking and compleately ok. they both were walkin a thin line on death tho, which is really scarry, especially for my brother. but everything SHOULD be ok, and i hope they both learned from it. <3<3 7 its MY life.

[Sunday 10:26am May 22nd] ok, new info for a ne wlayout. i like it lots, and theres NO kevin in it at all. woop! 13 its MY life.

[Friday 5:05pm May 20th] I WON!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! no more protective order, woot! the judge basicly told kevin he was full of shit. i could have told him that. lol. yay. off to see starwars episode 3 woot! 3 its MY life.

[Friday 4:09am May 20th] wow. so its been a long few days.. monday, i mowed the lawn. it was like up to my knees, lol, it took forever. tuesday i worked all day then my mom took me shopping for my dads bday, and i bought him a blender, and a candle i cant smell. it was called ocean water, and my dad loves the ocean. hes making one of the rooms in his new place in to a 'beach' like kinda room. he got way pissed at me mom on sunday because she was defending me and the protetive order. he said if the cops say its true, its gotta be true. he thinks in the one in the wrong here because the protective order is AGAINST me. thats kinda fucked up, but my dad is.. i dunno me and my mom get along better. im scared of what im gonna do in 2 yrs, when we sell this house. im gonna have to make it on my own. and i need to get a damn car. anyways. wednesday i worked till 4 then i waited for the bus to come, and it was suppost to be there at 4:40, but i waited untill 5:10, and it still wasnt there, so i had to call my dad to pick me up and take me to school, because i had a finial at 6, which i think i compleately blew. i suck at trig sooo much. and this stupid teacher didnt teach me anything. he kept going off on to tangents, and not staying on topic, which is fine when youre typing a journal entry, but not when youre teaching math. blah to stupid teachers. then today, which is really yeaterday, because its like 4:15 friday morning.. (i should totally be asleep, but wednesday night, i slept for almost 12 hours, so hopefully im ok..) i had the day off, i spent all day doing my project for design class, then my mom and i got chinese food, then i went to class. it was the last class. how sad. i really liked that class. rawr! but today, i have to be at work in 4 hours, and i dont know how tired im gonna be. i think coffee is gonna be my friend when i get to work. i need to bring a mug and some milk because creamer is discusting. lol. so i work from 8:15 untill 12:30. and then i have court at 1:15. i really dont want to see kevin. i hope he works or something and doesnt show. im gonna start crying. its really funny because, once he moved out and i got over the whole protective order bullshit, ive been happier since he left. thats shows that i wasnt really happy with him anyways. but i just dont want this order on my record. i need to clean my room, and my kitten is in heat. she meows and its so annoying. its lowd and it wakes me up at night. i should get her spayed. im scared to because my friend got his cat spayed when she was like 2 yrs old, and she turned in to a compleate bitch. he got evicted, and i kept her for like a year.. man she hissed and bit at me all the time, but finially she stopped doing it to me cuz she knew i fed her, but she did it to everyone else. lol. anyways, i just dont want my kitty to become bitchy. shes sleeping now. shes so cute! i love her. i wish she were a man. shes always affectionate, she loves me, and shes not mean or getting protective orders against me. haha. mom said if she was a man she wouldnt be so cool, cuz men arent like that. <3 i love my mom. oh man. i got so sick on tuesday night. my brother was sick on sunday, and i think i cought it. when i woke up wednesday i was feeling like i wanted to die. my throat and my nose, and ahh everything just hurt. when i went to work on wednesday, my mnustles were aching.. i was so miserable. then at the finial i was sniffing and going outside all the time to blow my nose. it was annoying, i hate being sick.. but if i lived in ice land like katie, id be sick all the time. LOL. poor katie, living in too fuckin cold to live environments. now im just rambling, so.. <3 wish me luck tomorrow. i soooooo dont want this on my record. its unnecessary. 2 its MY life.

[Sunday 9:42am May 15th] ok, so kevin moved ouy last saturday.. and then he decided to get a fuckin protective order against me. WHAT a fuckin JERK!!!!! it was because of false imprisionment. like i could keep him anywhere against his will. hes HUGER than me!!! RAWR! the protectice order says.. At 5-12-05 at approx. 11:30 pm, i cane over to pick up some of my belingings i had left behind when i moved out on 5-7-05, i brought some of her belongings back as well and she began to insult, threaten, and harass me about household repairs. i told her i was leaving and she stood behind my car as to detain me. i called 911 from my cell phone and told the dispatcher what happened (the threats were to call and harass me and my family untill i gave her what she wanted.) she also said "wait till i get my car, i'll be at your house") the police came and she hid. they found her and she got belidgerant with them and they had to restrain her when she fefused to drop a screwdriver she was holding and show ID. the police officers let me go after getting all of my info. she has since (between nidnight and 4 PM 5-13) messaged me on the computer once, and called me on my nextel twice. i did not respond. that is a load of BS and its not all true. AHHHHHHHHH im goin to court on friday for it. grr. I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!!!! 15 its MY life.

haha. [Friday 12:30am April 29th] ( top commenters ) 6 its MY life.

[Monday 2:48pm April 25th] and i know i need to fix my layout. not sure what i really want tho. 2 its MY life.

[Monday 2:44pm April 25th] damnnnnnnnn.. so kevins car started running like crap on saturday, and he said it was like someone put sugar in his gastank.. or something, so we stopped driving it, and we were gonna bring it to the shop today, or get it towed. so kevin got home at like 1ish i think.. and he hosed down his car, and started it again to see it it was still running fucked up.. then he parked it and went inside to go to the bathroom, and when he came back out, the car had rolled down the street and in to a mailbox.. it crushed the whole bumper, and the wheel went under the car.. and the mailbox is crazy bent fucked up.. id take a pic of it, but my fucking dig. cam got lost. i DONT know where it is. pisses me offffff! but kevins prolly gonna be in a bad mood from now till his car gets out. so gee to that. i hope it doesnt take that long. he said like 2-3 weeks. >_< hmmph. back to my 7 page essay on anarchy thats due wednesday and not yet started. <3 its MY life.

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